


The Avengers Panel

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint being Clint, Comic-Con, Crack, Fandom, Gen, Humor, M/M, San Diego Comic-Con, The Avengers Are Not Good With Fans, Tony Being Tony, Warnings for References to Groping without Asking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 21:12:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2040342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For avengerkink on lj for the prompt: The Avengers go to ComicCon because of PR (Or so Pepper says).</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Avengers Panel

"Can I just say..." the fan began crying as she asked her question, "That you guys are such an inspiration... and" *sniffle* "I just" *sob* "I just want to say that, that..." *bawling*

Steve said, "That's all right," sympathetically. Tony just looked at his watch. The others looked bored.

"Next question," the moderator said, and a man dressed up as Batman came up to the mic.

Tony leaned forward and said, "I would like to point out that I am much, much smarter than Batman. Seriously, his tech sucks."

"Okay," the man in the costume said awkwardly, "I just wanted to ask Mr. Stark about his newest environmental initiatives."

"Oh," Tony said. "Well, complimenting me is always a good choice. And yeah, we're going to kick pollution's ass. See the website. Pepper put it up. www dot ... something. Oh, wait, Pepper just texted me - www dot green dot stark dot com."

Clint whispered to Bruce, "Hey, if you married Stark, that could be the name of your web address. Get it?"

"Shut up," Bruce whispered back.

"Next question," the moderator said.

"This question is for Agent Romanov," a woman said, "First of all, thank you for your commitment to transparency after the HYDRA incident. Second, Natasha, who are your role models?"

Natasha whispered with Clint for a minute, then Clint answered, "Natasha is my role model."

The woman in the audience said, "But I wanted to know--"

"Romanov doesn't have role models," Tony said. "She doesn't sleep or eat or bleed either."

"Tony's kidding of course," Steve said to the audience.

"They know I'm kidding," Tony grumbled.

"Yeah, Tony's been full of shit in front of cameras his whole life," Clint said.

"Next question," the moderator said nervously, apparently not used to the superheroes' friendly bickering.

"This question is for Captain Rogers," a man in a suit said.

"Hey, Coulson," Tony yelled.

Coulson ignored him and said, "Captain Rogers, it's nice to see you in a situation where it's professionally appropriate to ask you this. Historians have been arguing for years about whether you lived on the east or west side of the apartment building from the years 1939-1941. Also, how many pillows did you use?"

"Um... east?" Steve said, "Though calling it an apartment building is pretty generous. And I had one pillow."

"Hey, this fan seems like a big dork," Clint said, grinning at Coulson. "I mean, at a certain point, the Captain America worship is kind of pathetic."

Clint looked confused then as the entire audience started to boo and yell at Clint. Natasha just smirked.

"Oh relax," Clint said, "He's my boss, AND he fucks me, so I can pretty much say what I like."

The crowd turned to Coulson then, almost mobbing him with questions about what Hawkeye is like in bed (and a few about whether the reconstituted SHIELD will have more robust privacy protections). Coulson quickly found a way to leave the hall.

"Okay. Uh... next question," the moderator said, seeming to wonder why he had agreed to do this panel at all.

A young man dressed up as a robot stepped up to the mic. "This question is for Mr. Stark. I just read the profile of JARVIS in AI Monthly. And what I wanted to know is, could I please have your permission to go on a date with JARVIS?"

The whole crowd awwwed at the adorableness of it all.

"Hell, no," Tony said. "I don't even know who you are. You're probably a creep."

Crestfallen, the young man walked away from the mic.

"He's very protective of JARVIS," Bruce explained. 

The next fan stepped up to the mic, where she asked, "Is Thor as hot in person as he is on camera?"

"Well, I like to think that we're all pretty hot," Tony said, right as Natasha and Clint simultaneously answered the woman, "Yes."

Another fan came up and said, "I just want to thank you all, because you guys saved my life in New York!"

The whole audience cheered wildly.

She asked then, "Would it be okay if I gave you all a hug?"

"No," Bruce, Tony, Natasha, and Clint said simultaneously.

Steve rolled his eyes and walked down to her and gave her a big bear hug, to the cheers of the audience.

"Okay," the moderator said, "It looks like our time is up. Let's thank the Avengers for such a great panel!"

The crowd roared with applause, and the team quickly moved offstage.

"I'm surprised Mr. Shy-and-Mopey is all glad-handy with everyone here," Clint said, teasing, as they stood in the backstage area, waiting to be herded to their next event.

"I had to do all sorts of fan events back in the day," Steve said, grimacing only a little at the memory.

"I bet fans weren't so intense back then," Bruce said. He looked tired out from listening to all that shouting. He didn't really do crowds.

Steve shrugged. "Well, there weren't as many. And they weren't as open. Or loud. But you'd be surprised what people will do when they're sexually repressed. In the old days, I'd get my boys down there groped three times before breakfast when I did a meet and greet, and I'd just constantly be getting phone numbers and hotel keys from married women. And married men sometimes too. I mean it was nice at first, but it was a chore after a while, trying not to be rude to the fans."

They all gaped. "You mean..." Bruce asked, "That it was a chore saying no to so many people?"

"Oh. Yeah. I said no," Steve said, reminding them once again what a terrible liar he was. "I didn't just sleep with everyone who showed up to a show and bought bonds." He pretended to look at the snack table then.

"History is gross," Clint said then, folding his arms. "Now I'm glad I never read any."

"Anyway," Steve said, "The fans now are pretty down to earth. We should be polite. Even if acting like a hero in a costume and having everyone look at you is a horrifying and humiliating experience," he added in all sincerity.

"Steve, you have a problem," Tony said, forehead creasing.

They didn't have time to discuss it, though; they were onto their next event.

"Autographs?" Clint said, "Why would someone care if we write our name down on something?"

"You should sign stuff and then try to take it. You can say it's yours because your name is on it," Natasha suggested.

"That would be very mean," Steve said.

"You should sign someone else's name," Tony said, "I always sign Elon Musk. It totally pisses him off."

"You'll all sign your own names or I'm telling Miss Potts!" their handler said, and they all grumbled and headed to their next location.


End file.
